why?

right now i'm back to drowning in sorrows.. people around me are not who i thought they were anymore.. and its killing me.. they dont understand me.. they dont care.. only one right now does.. and everythin is so messed up.. everything is hurting... i cant even tell myself its gonna be allright.. coz i dont know anymore.. tears are falling and they cant stop.. and it hurts so bad.. till i dont know what i'm doing anymore.. i  just want my life back.. the part where u were there.. and it was all beautiful. you hurt me to the max but i still love you.. u say things that hurts to my bones but i still love you.. thats how much i love you and more.. more than u can ever imagine..  i wake up everyday and  you are the first thing that comes to mind.. and i smile.. but when i realise the heartache and i have is tears in my eyes.. day after day.. i cried and begged god for u to come back.. give me back that person

inspiration

i seem to have alot to write about these days.. there are alot of inspiration.. people i hate, people i'm mad with.. people i love.. and people i found.. a very good friend of mine, marsha has taught me alot these recent days that has drawn us closer to each other.. she taught me to be stronger in times that i was not just broken but shattered in millions of pieces.. letting go of someone you trully love with all your heart is NOT easy. just when that person is not in my head, something or someone reminds me..

i wish there was a button or a guiding book to life.. HOW NOT TO GET HURT FOR DUMMIES.. but we all need to embrace destiny and faith and MOVE ON no matter how hard it is..

noticed my recent stuff are SAD T.T.. so lets do happy now!!!

first off, my amazing friend marsha, together with her bf and i and looking for one more person are starting a band!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!  we are called DESTINY EMBRACED..lol.. we havent really decided on what song to start off with.. maybe our own composing.. hehe.. so soon we;ll have videos posted!!! lol..

reality check!!!

we sit around wondering if what we do is right or wrong, good or bad... but we never really find out.. why??? coz we;re not looking we;re just seeing.. life is WILL constantly pull you down..why?? its to teach you.. to be wiser to be stronger... someone told me that ppl can endure more than we can imagine.. we just have to learn.. there are ppl around us who loves us for who we are.. LOOK not SEE.. search with a passionate soul and you'll find.. loosing someone isnt what anyone wants.. but take it in a positive way.. though it may be hard and painful.. though that path you choose is filled with agony.. take it as a challenge to make you stronger, wiser.. if you can conqure that then you will not FEAR anything coz you are STRONG.. learn to trust.. feeling vunerable is normal.. but at some point you have to move on.. its for the better.. leave those you have hurt you in the past.. start fresh in your life.

boredom!!!!!!

decided i've gotta be happy and love myself for a moment.. hurting yourself and torturing is NOT the way to go it only kills... so for this time being.. my smile and positive happy thoughts are helping me...

those times when ppl bring you down.. stand up tall and know that you can be strong.. lift you r spirt again.. coz its not gonna end.. believe in what u should.. and ignore the comments, thought of other of you.. they are trying to pull u down coz they know they cant do shit to you.. so dont ever let mere words hold down from being who you actually are.. everyone is unique in their own way.. love life and live it to the maximum of your ability.. love yourself too once in a while.. 

the pain inside

i sit everyday, well these days.. wondering if i made a mistake.. or if i'm right.. wondering doesnt help at all.. so i seek answers.. then i learnt that people arent really who you think they are.. friends whom you think will stick by your side help you, did not.. so i had new friends that actually help and became besties.. if your heart is not at a calm state.. let it out.. keeping it n will never solve anything.. if its meant to be then it is.. if its not then.. something better is on its way.. be patient.. these are the words i hated at one point of my life.. i felt as if they are just words.. but iif you really put a thought to it.. its real and true.. waiting isnt really ideal.. but waiting and knowing what to do is way better and just sitting around blindly.. seek answers from the people who truly loves and understands.. at one point of life you have to give up the one you truly want and love for something else.. as someone close to once before always said: ENDURE!! loose one to get one.. so think of it as... you're loosing something for a better one.. it applies to almost anything.. if you feel like crying, cry your heart out.. but.. think of yourself too..  one lifetime is all you have.. make the most of it.. 

smile though your heart is aching.. it'll pass
everyone goes through it.. you;re never alone.. 

the new

my first blog, pheww!! never thought i would actually do it.. but yet here i am..

i am a lil crazy sometimes ppl say i am.. but at the same time. shy.

i get alot of ppl call me intimidating for some reason which i cant figure out till now.

the real reason i thought of creating a blog was an inspiration by one of my bestie, marsha..

i love food. i love talking about them, tasting making new recipies. and i alos have passion for music.. i now can play piano, organ and currently self teaching guitar. i'm very curious about things.

most of the times they are complicating thats why its all up in my head..

enough abt that.. running out of words to say abt it..

well, things between 2008 and 2010 taught me alot of things. it made somewhat stronger. wiser. as they say., what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. well i really dont have much words now. but here's a poetry about someone i lost recently.. but not to death.. just in ife.. i do write stuff alot.. most of which are poetry.. composed songs.. just nvr had the guts to record them.. who know someday i'll change oh so drastically and post them.. wait and see.. lol

i sit alone in my room
and tears slowly falls from my face
thinking bout all the moments we had
memories floods my head
images drown in my eyes
as sorrow pulls me in its chamber
i surrender

i made a promise to live with you forever
i was so sure it's you that will i give my all
till i'm dead and gone
even if death steals me away from you
with God's permission i'll continue loving you

19th october 2008 was the day my life began
a new breath of real and absolute life was given
for we were offically together
for there was no more sorrows i thought
because you were the angel heaven sent from above
to make my life happy
16th january 2009
was the day so beautiful nothing could compare
it was filled with uncomparing love,undescribale feellings

16th january 2009 was when i was sure
very sure, that you are my forever
as you held me close
and whispered softly to my ear
i love you, i'll never leave you
a promise, seal with a kiss so sure
that anyone would believe

the memories kept building good or bad
we got through it all
with the armor of our love protecting us
we got pass it all with victory
endure was your favorite word
and it always kept me strong

21st january 2010
was when my life ended
filled with undescribable sorrow
tears flowed out like a storm
that wouldnt stop
but i was still breathing
i couldnt understand why
why it all happen
reasons given were unacceptable
you left, broke your promise
and broke me even more with your cruel and heartless words
more broken at the sight of you
with a girl, i could say nothing about
there is nothing else that can mend
the pieces of my shattered heart again
only you hold the cure
for your love is the essence of my life
mixed emotion filled this fragile body
hands shiver and legs were weak
the thought of you gone forever
rage, sadness dwelled in my heart


if only i could speak to you,
a chance i would die for with no doubt
these i would say;

i'm sorry for the tears i've caused time and time again
heard this words many times before
but this times its different coz i mean it more than ever
i'll wait for you
even if it takes forever
i cant compare you to anyone
i just cant