lYlM

things are awful.. i dont know what the hell am i suppose to do. i'm so exhausted. 


i wish i could just flee. and go to every quiet places in the world. gladly though i'm studying. i hardly do last time. now i study like there;s no tomorrrow. i found out the chords for yuna'a song- penakut. which i'm happy abt. but there are alot of things i'm not happy with...


  istillhope 

headache!

days are sucking more and more by the hour!!!

hmmm. my head is gonna explode. 

SPM is arriving 

I:M panic-ing

seeing things around me that make me go WTF!!!!!!

i'm in need to find PEACE. which i sometimes feel its impossible.

blogging sometimes makes me feel better but not long. =(

i still HOPE. i dont know why. but i'm loosing faith at the same time too. 

is it right? 

i hope it is. 

gonna get my braces done soon, i hope.

got a new bestie. ALICIA!

i love that nut! hehe, dont kill me Muhd. Ali. 

i love my two besties! they helped me alot. 

thanks ALICIA and MARSHA!!

i hope things start to turn around soon, idk what i;m crapping, lol

lets just save the craziness and stop here. night night. 

hope

i still wonder if there is a possibility if things could turn around. and make me smile again. i hope i can.
i still pray hard for it.

lalalaalaaaaa

blogginggggg..
something i havent done in a long time.. 


things are bad again
results arent looking so good
things i thought would work out. didnt yet AGAIN
just when i thought i could breathe and feel good about it again. life pulls me down
i'm tired honestly. i want to run away to places where i dont know a single soul ans they dont know me.
but it can only havent in my wildest dreams.


I CAN COPE i say as i lie to myself .
it's normal in my not-so-happy life
i used to have a happy place. where i could just run to whenever dreams fail, or my heart is broken, people are just plain rude, ignorant or just mean..
but that place is gone. this time  thought hope for it to not be gone, 
this time.. i dont have much faith or hope it;ll come back.


i find myself back to where i was half a year ago.
crying myself to sleep. 
not eating.
listen to music though it calms my soul it saddens it as well.
looking through pictures i used to hide.


i cant wait for my new room where i can run from the broken memories of my current one. 


A NEW START? i wish..
though i still long for the 22nd's/ 19th's, or even 16th's everyday.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LubQp3fpgo
currently listening to trading yesterday: come back to me

never say never

life has brought me joy again! i'm so happy things are ok again i can cope with it.. i hope it last long.. i miss the peaceful times.. 

when life gives you lemons..

i never thought that he would be thinking about me but he did!! it was shocking!! i was hoping he would say lets try again the whole time we were talking sadly he didnt.. hmm i was in the exact seat and theater and i drowned in memories.. hmmm.. sometimes i think life just absolutely loves hitting you and catching you off guard.. well.. all we can do is move on.. nothing we can do.. and work hard for what we want.. 


someone asked me recently whats true love i said its when you cant live without that person its when you feel empty when they are not around.. its when you wanna shout at the top of your lungs that you love them.. its when you're no afraid of the world when you're in their arms.. but.. thats just a slight glimpse of it.. not even close.. its way so much more.. =) 


funny how things reminds of you of things.. i love them.. but sometimes it hurts.. but i cant run.. i know that.. so i sing it out..  music calm me.. whether is pressing the rhythmic keys on the piano or strumming the strings on the guitar.. the soft melody warms my heart.. i learnt to cope..

a thing or two

its been a month since i've blogged.. i finally have inspiration.. alot has happened in a months.. its been more than 3 months since i spoke to *.. just started talking.. but everyone thinks i'm ok.. but i'm not.. coz the things * tells me hurts and i'm still trying to learn to cope with it.. i can only pray for a sign.. and how that i can see it.. i'm trying to be as positive as possible.. though in this month it has been hard i thank God for exams a chance to stop me from thinking about the hurt. 


first off.. i out my song writing on hold for a little while..that was the beginning of the month.. just caught up with it.. wrote 2 in 2 days.. 
second.. just finish three weeks of stressful exams... that was a load off
third.. keeping my mind off things by drowning myself with work.. studying.. helping around here and there.. like making 100 name tags hand written.. yeah not that wise but it helps.. 
fourth.. camp was great! its our last so i'll be missing everyone.. but i believe as we part there will always be a time where we will meet again..


lately alot of people are hurting me and pissing me off.. i try to ignore them.. with God's help i hope i can.. 


question.. when you see me do i look sad? though i'm smiling?
people keep telling me that i look sad.. burdened.. maybe i am.. 
i dont know.. my good friend keeps telling me to live life for myself..
and so i'll try.. i'll try to be the main character of my life  now.. 
and lastly i thank God for the people he has brought in my life to allow laughter in my life after one is gone.